We all know how important it is to have positive influences in our lives. From a young age, having a healthy role model makes a world of difference in how the brain actually develops. From that early development, a person’s life begins to be impacted in several ways, especially in shaping how we navigate challenges, learn discipline, and build confidence. But I believe what’s fascinating is how sports, particularly martial arts, can serve as one of the most powerful methods for providing these role models—instilling values that not only guide children through their developmental years but also create lifelong habits of resilience and personal growth.
Martial arts has a unique way of integrating key developmental needs like structure, focus, emotional regulation, and social connection. Beyond the physical benefits, the mental and emotional lessons curated through strong community make it an exceptional space for healthy role models, not only through the instructors but also through peers. Let’s dive into why this is so vital.
Role Models Shape Our Growth
From the earliest stages of development, children learn by observing and interacting with those around them. From the moment a child is conceived, they are engaged in their environment around them; Learning and responding to the things happening around them and mom. From the moment they are born into the world, a child’s brain development depends heavily on the interactions from their caregivers. Caregivers who provide a healthy level of attention and response to their children, surely set them up for healthy brain development. But, as parents, it can be difficult to always be our best version of ourselves in every moment – cue parent guilt. There is no shame in this - we are all human and trying our best. This is where I believe role models can play a crucial role in a child’s life. Healthy role models are a beacon of guidance, showing kids how to navigate the world, solve problems, and manage emotions. This is particularly true in martial arts, where students are taught the values of respect, discipline, and perseverance, while developing new locomotive patterns and cognitive abilities. When kids consistently see their instructors and peers embody these traits, they naturally begin to adopt them in their own lives.
Research shows that children thrive in environments where they feel supported and engaged. In the context of martial arts, the structured environment—where there are clear goals, routines, and expectations—helps children feel safe and secure. This sense of structure is key to developing what experts call “executive function skills,” such as self-control, focus, problem solving and adaptability. These skills are not only essential for success in martial arts but carry over into academics, relationships, and future careers. The brain has the ability to adapt with consistency. When a child has struggled with their executive function skills early in life, they can literally begin to re-ignite the neural pathways in their brain that help provide these important life skills – but only through consistent action and modeling.
Emotional Resilience Through Martial Arts
One of the greatest gifts a positive role model provides is the ability to manage emotions, particularly when things get tough. Martial arts creates a unique space for this emotional growth because it is designed to push students out of their comfort zones. Whether it’s learning a new form, sparring for the first time, or competing in front of others, martial arts forces students to face their fears head-on.
I have countless stories in blogs and on social media that exemplify these lessons.
What’s truly remarkable and valuable for real life resilience is how martial arts teaches that failure is not the end—it's a necessary part of the process of growth. When a child loses a match or struggles with a new technique in class, they are taught to persevere, to learn from what didn’t work, and to improve. This instills a foundational core value of determination—accepting failure as a learning opportunity—is one of the most valuable lessons any child can learn, and it’s deeply rooted in the practice of martial arts.
Growing up, I was never the most skilled. My instructor always pushed me to do more. He encouraged me to always reach higher, but only once I was able to complete the first challenge. This taught me not to quit when things get tough. It slowly removed a self-belief over time that I was not capable of some things and replaced it with an understanding that everyone learns at different paces. Every time I completed a new challenge, I provided myself evidence that I COULD. And, having someone who believed that I could, before I believed it, was crucial to getting there.
Over time, students begin to trust their ability to handle setbacks, and this confidence extends into all areas of life. They start to realize that success isn’t just about winning or achieving perfection; it’s about showing up, putting in the work, and continuously striving for improvement. This resilience, taught through the support and guidance of martial arts instructors and mentors, becomes a cornerstone of their development as they approach relationships, careers, and eventually pass on those lessons to the next generation.
The Serve-and-Return Model in Martial Arts
I spoke above about the importance of healthy attention early in life for a child from their caregivers. I want to tell you about a strategy that researchers call “serve-and-return” interactions. This concept refers to the back-and-forth exchanges between a child and a caregiver, where the child “serves” by expressing a need or interest, and the adult “returns” by responding. An example of this on a very basic level would be a baby who smiles at mom. Mom then responds with a smile to the child, showing that the smile is a happy expression. While a simple example, these interactions are crucial for brain development, helping to build neural connections that support communication, emotional regulation, and problem-solving. Children who experience neglect for various reasons and at various levels (like say, a global pandemic causing stress on parents to make ends meet and working from home all day), can show developmental issues including things like ADHD.
Why is this important?
Besides the obvious that we need to be aware of the importance of modelling serve and return in todays fast paced, and hyper-distracted world, there are some key points I believe about with sports, and in particular, martial arts. In martial arts, serve-and-return happens naturally with a lot of one on one attention throughout the class. Well trained instructors pay close attention to each student's individual progress, responding to their efforts with feedback, encouragement, and corrections. This consistent engagement helps students feel seen and valued, which reinforces their motivation to keep improving. The dojo becomes a place where students know they are supported, where their efforts are noticed, and where they feel a sense of belonging.
One of the most important lessons I have learned through teaching is that every student is unique. No two students learn or develop exactly the same way. Not every student wants to be a champion martial artist – some don’t even want to be there to be honest. That’s okay though. Teaching is not about creating a champion student. Teaching is about learning. I learn from every student, and only when I take the time to hear them and see them, am I able to understand how to respond in a way that will resonate with that particular student. This is a powerful example of serve and return in action.
The practice of sparring is a direct serve and return practice that engages students’ awareness to one another by learning to respond to each others movements. It’s nearly impossible to feel ignored when you are sparring.
The Impact of Community and Belonging
When students train together, they are not just learning techniques; they are forming connections. This sense of belonging is incredibly powerful, especially for kids who may struggle to find their place in other environments. Martial arts offers a space where everyone is working toward common goals and supporting one another in their journey. When students emerge themselves into an environment where everyone can learn at their own pace and in their own unique way, it fosters belonging.
Feeling part of a community is essential for social and emotional development. It boosts confidence, reduces feelings of isolation, and offers a support system that can carry them through difficult times in martial arts and outside. In martial arts, students learn the importance of helping one another—whether it’s offering encouragement during a tough class or sparring in a way that helps both partners improve. I had no clue about “serve and Return” before I took childhood development courses as an adult. But, looking back now – I was learning them from my instructor and fellow students all along.
There is a sense of mutual respect and support that is a hallmark of martial arts culture, and it plays a crucial role in shaping our ability to shift perspectives in life for ourselves and in interactions with others. It teaches them that they are part of something bigger than themselves and that they have a responsibility to contribute to the well-being of the group. We need to be able to listen and learn, to lead.
Martial Arts Lessons Beyond the Mat
The beautiful synchrony here is that the lessons learned in class are directly applicable to other areas of life. The discipline and perseverance developed through training can be applied to school, work, relationships, and personal goals. The emotional resilience gained from sparring or competing helps manage stress, handle setbacks, and bounce back from adversity.
Students develop a strong sense of identity—not just as martial artists, but as capable, resilient individuals. They learn that they are capable of greatness, no matter the challenge. And perhaps most importantly, they learn to trust themselves—to trust that they have what it takes navigate whatever life throws their way, just as they have learned to navigate the challenges in the dojo.
Martial arts is about far more than physical fitness or self-defense; it’s about shaping who we are as individuals. The role models we encounter in the dojo—whether they are instructors, senior students, or even peers—leave a lasting impact on how we develop on biological level and how we approach life as a result. They teach us the values of discipline, resilience, and respect, all while providing the support and guidance we need to grow.
Whether you’re a parent looking to provide your child with a positive environment for growth or an adult seeking to reconnect with your own sense of purpose, martial arts offers a pathway to personal development that goes far beyond the dojo walls. It’s a space where role models thrive, and where the lessons learned carry over into every facet of life, helping us become the best versions of ourselves.
Who are the role models that have guided your journey? Let’s share those stories and continue to build a community where everyone can grow.
Written by: Kyle Craik
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